Coping

Hey there,

It's almost Christmas. I hope you are having a lovely holiday.

My family is christian so I usually spend the holidays with them, but on my own I don't really celebrate Christmas. I'm an atheist. It's an identity I grapple with, but it's still true nonetheless.

I live in circumstances I don't like: I have a mental illness, suffer from chronic pain, and am a college dropout. I plan on returning to school, but my failure so far does make me wonder if I am struggling, if I am not strong enough to go through what I went through and stay in school because I don't follow a religion or believe in any god. I don't believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. And even if a man named Jesus died on a cross and said it was for our sins, as history documents, I still don't believe that there was any power behind it.

Sometimes I think, there are people who live terrible terrible lives we still believe and there are people who don't. People who live wonderful lives who believe and people who don't. The quality of my life doesn't cause me to reject god or Jesus. It's just that I don't believe. And I've tried believing. I just don't believe the way other christians and believers do.